In Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type (2009, Henry Holt) biological anthropologist Helen Fisher explores a remarkably user-friendly typology of attachment/personality styles. In all the years the Myers-Briggs approach has been floating in and out of my personal and professional understanding, it has never really caught on in my active memory, aside from my being sort of proud to be an introvert. With the MB, I just can't remember what all those darn letters stand for, let alone what they imply thrown together in any individual case. But Fisher's Explorer, Builder, Director, and Negotiator are terms so descriptive, with so many associations (some enhanced by the author's elegant imagination) that I find I can 'network' with them internally all day long. It's also been eye-opening to discover I am a NEGOTIATOR/Explorer...
The critiques of the book that I've read on Amazon.com seem to mostly focus on the author's discussion of her work as scientific adviser to Chemistry.com in the book--a poke at her integrity. Actually, I am currently sending my clients to Chemistry.com to see if they like it better than Match.com (which can feel like a bit of a cattle-call to some) or eHarmony (where they attempt to match you up with people who are like you, rather than possibly complementary.) Most singles use online dating now, and it's important for therapists to keep up with what's happening in this area.
What I can say for sure is that my grasp of this book's ideas has enhanced my work with couples quite a bit in a short time (how to appreciate each others' style and needs, and decide whether one is prepared to meet these?) It has also helped me to refocus my single clients on the importance of positive self-understanding and appropriate relationship aspirations in light of their unique and compelling needs.
Bottom Line
For therapists: An efficient and accessible alternative to the Myers-Briggs (with a relatively short self-test in the book) to help you and patients with their relationships.
For everyone else: Helps you understand why you get along with some people better than others, along with some quick and effective self-improvement suggestions for your personality type.
More helpful information from this book's author can be found at
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