Dr. Buckley's Self-Help Book Blog

Soothing iPhone Apps

Every now and then, I look for other media as resources for self-help besides books.  Why not?  After all, even books are changing:  For example, no longer do we love the clutch and ripple of the cover and pages of a new book for their exclusive power to contain literature.  No, we might even be pondering the relative physical feel of the theoretical iPad versus the Kindle for reading.

And darn that iPad, it hadn't arrived at the Apple store--not even a demo model--in Atlanta, when I was there again a couple of weekends ago.  They're talking... some time in March? (update: it's going to be April)

But all was not lost in Atlanta, since I got to spend time with my singer-songwriter cousin Buck and his wife, artist and singer Patrice Eastham.  Patrice introduced me to some delightful and calming iPhone apps that I can definitely endorse here as fun--and non-addictive--self-help.

First, there's Bebot.  Bebot is a synthesizer who initially appears static onscreen, a do-it-yourself 1950's modern-style robot standing on the right side of the screen, with vertical lines of static as background.  Double-tap the bottom right of the screen and you have access to the synthesizer functions and can change all aspects of the sound Bebot and his background make when you tap, rub, or hold your finger(s) to the screen.  With that, he croons and sways like an extraterrestrial opera singer.  Try not to laugh, I dare you.  It's soothing in the way a cat purrs when you pet her and then stop to listen, or when a dog catches a toy you throw and gets off on it in a comical way.  It's cathartic in the way it forces you to be silly for a minute and then take a deep breath and let it out, refreshed and ready for something more serious.

And then there's Koi Pond, a lovely spot of water that gently sloshes beneath your finger as you move it across the screen.  It's a wonderful trick played on your senses as you watch and feel the 'resistance' of the water.  Fish come out and startle away from the disturbance, then return shortly to check out your finger and nibble on it (the phone vibrates to tickle you.)  You can control the density of the fish population, color of the pond, weather, sounds and other less conspicuous elements.  It also has a sleep timer that lasts up to 11 hours, in case your environment is otherwise too quiet for sleep and you benefit from ambient nature sounds.  I must admit, I have put my iPhone on the floor and stuck my big toe 'in the water."  It feels cool and satisfying, but after the fish scatter and return to check me out, they just sort of swim under my toe or look a little uncertain and swim away again.  No nibbles, hmmm?

Ocarina turns your iPhone into a musical (wind) instrument.  You either blow into the microphone while placing your fingers on the dots ("holes") on the screen, or in "touch" mode, just play by doing the fingerings.  It's a bit of work to get started if you are not musically trained, but not much more work than learning the recorder.  As a former sax/bassoon/flute player, I found it delightful to pick up my phone, blow into it and make in-tune sounds without reeds, saliva or sticky old pads.  You can change modes and keys, as well.  The other soothing and satisfying part of Ocarina is the listen-around-the-world feature.  This allows you to cure your loneliness and have a smile as you watch the globe rotate, and bubbles of someone's Ocarina tune rise up hauntingly in the dark from their current geographic location.  You can transmit yours, too, and see if anyone shows you some "love" by favoriting your tune.  

Ambiance is a sound library that seems to have an endless selection of 'massage music', nature sounds, and other ambient or esoteric noises. Almost anyone could find something they find soothing to listen to here.  Each day, different sounds are featured.  Evening nature sounds from a particular region, wind chimes, chewing gum, and emergency ward are some recent offerings.  A quickstart feature allows you to go straight to your favorite sound after pressing the app button.  Importantly, these sounds are rated by listeners, so if you care what others think, you can skip the less popular selections.  This app has timer features including cycling through a list of sounds, categories for sorting your selections, a mixer to combine sounds, and the ability to share sounds on social networking sites. Obviously this app has many uses, particularly for musicians and other people who use sound effects for their work.  But perhaps its ability to enhance focus or counteract auditory problems (such as tinnitus) are the most striking. Otherwise, have fun exploring the astonishing variety of auditory experiences here, and find one or two sounds that relax you.

Brian Eno and Peter Chilvers' Bloom is the most accessible musical app we looked at.  If you like space music and a set-it-and-forget-it musical creation to listen to, this one's for you.  Bloom suggests a flower, and indeed, the visual image is one of a pastel backdrop with contrasting color spot appearing and growing like an opening bud when you tap a location to try a tone.  Musical intervals have a spatial logic here, although I haven't quite intuited it yet.  You can change the mood (visual and auditory), mode, scale, shake to clear, and set a nap timer.  Saving and shuffling are options, too.  The most earnest and New Age-ey of the apps reviewed here, you could probably enjoy it during a massage, too.

If you're a parent with spiritual leanings, I recommend iZenGarden2 for--among other purposes--its ability to occupy a school-age child peacefully during a long wait.  My seven-year-old arranges his garden (it's like one of those mini zen gardens in a box that you put on your desk) rather elaborately, with lots of nature and other elements.  He rakes the sand--available in a variety of colors--a different way each time.  For your own grown-up use, this app has a meditation timer that can be set to end with a bell.  You can also have ambient sounds going as you meditate, such as Tibetan singing bowls, or rain.  You can share your garden on social networking sites, or by camera and email.

If you share our sensibilities and enjoy any of these apps, then also check out Patrice and Buck, in The Buck Buckley Band (think American/Roots music, Emmylou Harris...)  Sometimes soothing, sometimes toe-tapping, they have a CD and play in the Atlanta area.

From the Right Brain, to the Left, with EMDR

This weekend, in Atlanta, I was almost knocked down by 'the third wave of psychotherapy.'

Time Magazine recently referred to mindfulness therapies in this way, but the third wave generally refers to a creative combining of Eastern and Western approaches to the understanding and healing of the mind. This approach has begun to overtake cognitive behavior therapy, which overtook psychoanalysis, the first real form of psychotherapy. 

This was not actually a mindfulness therapy meeting per se that I attended, but the international EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) conference. Much talk took place here about EMDR as a psychotherapy approach--as opposed to a technique--for dealing with disturbing life events (recent or remote) and their aftereffects in our lives, the preparation for EMDR's bilateral stimulation (including mindfulness skills training), and the steadily accumulating research evidence in the field of neurobiology that you can't get to the left brain (logical, conscious processes) except through the right (creative, unconscious processes.) 

In other words, if there is emotional 'dysregulation' in the right brain, only therapies that partially address the unconscious through non-verbal means will improve the capacity to cope and function normally in day-to-day life.  Enter EMDR, with its ability to alter automatic thoughts by tapping into the same problem-solving processes that are involved in REM sleep.

I was not so much surprised by the apparent facts of all this, than that what I have been doing for the past 12 years in generally teaching mindfulness skills before anything else and assessing for appropriateness of EMDR across a wide variety of emotional problems is on target (pardon the pun, you EMDR therapists out there) and has a few more terms assigned to it now, that I should add to my website.

There are likely profound implications for this new science.  But, as EMDR creator Francine Shapiro put it at the meeting, neurobiology in relation to psychotherapy and spirituality is in its infancy, so stay tuned.  

While I was there, I briefly met David Grand, an innovative EMDR trainer and peak performance coach in NYC.  I did my impression of Ed Koch for him (whom I also met once), and he demonstrated on my friend the "brainspotting" technique he is developing. He has a very readable introductory book on EMDR called Emotional Healing at WARP Speed: The Power of EMDR (2003, Present Tents) that I would recommend to anyone considering the EMDR approach, as a client or therapist.  I normally send clients to EMDRIA.org to read a little about EMDR, but those who like to really research what a therapist might do before they do it can really enjoy this book, with its lively and compassionate case examples, background and advice.  I had been looking for a more current EMDR book to recommend to clients since Shapiro's EMDR: The Breakthrough "Eye Movement" Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress and Trauma (1997, Basic Books), and this one goes beyond posttraumatic stress to discuss implications of reprocessing for creativity in an exciting way.

If you are seeking EMDR to take the emotional power out of disturbing life events in your recent or remote past, you need to find out if a therapist is EMDR-trained.  Ask around, check the Yellow Pages ads, or go to EMDRIA.org.  If you are selecting a therapist from your insurance panel list, do a web search on that potential therapist. 

If you are a therapist considering getting EMDR-trained, check out EMDRIA and take a Part I workshop for a life-changing experience. 

Change Your Mindset, Part IV

This is the final installment of my discussion of resilience as a self-help topic, as addressed In positive psychology expert and author Bob Brooks' recent symposium that I attended.  

Emotional intelligence, particularly as conceived by Daniel Goleman, was one of the last items covered, and it is one that has been vastly popularized in our culture at this point.  The notions of personal and social competence (including self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management) have drawn on, spawned and interconnected with everything from cognitive behavioral therapy to meditation to the idea of 'personal coaching.'  Apply these to your marriage, your job, and your role as a parent, it's all the same idea.  Know yourself and have a feel for others and you will handle all kinds of stress better.  Maybe you won't even create much stress if you know what you're doing emotionally. 

Finally, brainstorming and problem-solving attitudes will help you to transcend all kinds of crises--even just your own internal ones--but especially interpersonal ones in any setting. Here are a few examples of this that I particularly resonated with, personally and professionally: 

• Create several alternative solutions to a problem, and consider which ones might work best.  Be prepared for Plan A to fail. 
• Make a gratitude list each night: 3 things for which you are grateful that day. Observe the impact of this on your mood and relationships.
• Identify your "islands of competence"--what you like to do and are pretty good at. Spend more time developing and using these.
• Believe that your mistakes are experiences to learn from rather than to be defeated by.
• Model a sense of humor and be playful, especially with children.
• Ask your children to help solve a problem that you have with them.  How would they like to be reminded to get up in the morning?

While all of this has found its way into popular media to some extent, I found it refreshing to return to one of the scientific 'sources' and be reminded of how well it really works and not just how good it sounds. 

For more on resilience or to shop for Brooks' books, go to http://www.drrobertbrooks.com.

Next week it's back to reviewing specific self-help books I use in my practice.  Hint: introverts unite!

Change Your Mindset, Part III

I continue my discussion here of resilience as a prospective, constructive force in our lives, as outlined by Dr. Robert Brooks, an well-published expert in positive psychology whose symposium I recently attended. As Brooks might put it, it's never too late to develop resiliency.  As humans, we look to self-help literature to help us find a new way to look at things external or internal to us.  I am always encouraged when a new client comes in toting a self-help book to tell me about.  It's a sign of hope, and it always sparks my curiosity.  Are you willing to try what a self-help book--hopefully carefully chosen--suggests to you?  That would be adaptive coping, and it is one of the highest levels at which we can function.

Brooks discussed "stress hardiness", which involves faithfully following the "three C's":

Commitment: What brings purpose and passion to our life?  In my initial meeting with a new client I always do a motivational interview, designed to elicit priorities, wishes and unmet needs for the present and future.  It is also intended to help me determine how much coaching versus other types of therapy this individual needs.  I do this whether the person is 18 or 81 years old, and most people are relieved to know that I care about them moving forward in a meaningful way.  All of us need to reevaluate this question from time to time, in order to really try to be true to ourselves. 

Challenge: Do we interpret difficult situations as opportunities for change and learning? As one example, I have worked with many chronic pain and illness sufferers among my clientele over the years.  Persistence and open-mindedness lead to adopting new pain management techniques (mindfulness, pacing, posture, proper body mechanics and more), that in turn bring about a new and less painful experience of the body.  I am still in awe of what people can overcome in these situations, when they make up their minds to reinvent themselves.

Control: Do we focus most of our time and energy on factors over which we have an influence?  Or are we still waiting for others to change their behavior first?  This makes me think of the common situation in which an adult child of an aging parent who was never very nice, trustworthy or helpful, struggles unconsciously to accept the loss of the parent-who-might-have been.  Such people may live their lives in an angry protest of addiction and failure, or--in deeper denial--in a morass of codependent relationships (including one with the real parent) that cost them precious time, energy and health.  As the Zen saying goes, "The way out is through the door," and ultimately we have to locate our own best resources to get out of what feels like a trap set by someone else.  

I've shared here a few impressions from my practice about moving toward stress-hardiness, and again I invite you to visit Brooks' website for more on his publications on resilience, or to read his newsletter.  I probably have about one more installment to go on this subject, and then it's back to book reviews. 

Change Your Mindset, Part II

Last week, I began to talk about my favorite take-home messages from Harvard psychologist and author Bob Brooks' recent symposium on resilience as a preventative force that helps people move forward through the lifespan.  I ran out of time and perhaps your patience, however.  So here are some more of those highlights from this event that stayed with me:

Nurture empathy in yourself and others.  Try to say things in a way that you'd like to hear them coming from someone else.  This connects with the way you greet your children at the end of the day, discussed last week.  This empathic communication habit helps people of all ages to feel dignified in your presence.

Never write anyone off.  Perhaps you find yourself in a helping role with someone who has low self-esteem.  Those with low self-esteem tend to atttribute their successes to others and their failures to themselves.  This comes from having been told such things while growing up (e.g., "you got lucky" and "what's the matter with you?" ) Create a motivating environment for change by questioning your/others' attributions of success and failure and refocusing on how you and others can meet this person's basic needs that may have been neglected.  These needs include the need to feel connected and to belong, the need for self-determination and autonomy, and the need to feel competent.

If you're burned out, don't try to change too fast.  Focus on the short term goals you need to accomplish before you can calmly and reasonably approach the longer term one.  For example, carefully assess--and, if necessary, work on--your personal financial situation with an accountant before launching your own business on top of your stressful day job.

I'll stop here at three ideas to ponder, again, and encourage you to click on any of the links above to learn more. You can review Brooks' books/CD's on his site, which are geared to different resilience-related problems across all age groups.

Soon, I'll get back to reviewing individual books I frequently use in my private practice. This is an important and well-researched area of positive psychology that I'd like to bring attention to right now, however, due to its general applicability and mostly superficial treatment by non-experts in the media over the years. 

Change Your Mindset, Part I

I've just returned from a Cape Cod Symposium with Harvard psychologist Robert Brooks, called Resilience Across the Lifespan:Strength-Based Strategies to Nurture Balance, Self-Discipline, and Hope in Ourselves and Others.  At the end of my last blog post, I mentioned hoping to find something to change my mind about on this working vacation. That's certainly what positive psychology is.  This tradition, from which Brooks emerged, has been popular since the 1970's.  Research in many related areas, including emotional intelligence, has borne out the effectiveness of its theories of change.  Without boring us by going into all of that, I'd like to share some of what was covered during the week that constitutes the best take-home tips for me. These ideas came from Brooks, workshop participants, and others not present but hopefully credited. 

Can you help children see the world differently from the start?  Resilience is prospective, a constellation of coping strategies that make you ready for the future.  Greet your children with a gesture of love when you walk in the door at the end of the day, instead of with a demand.

Resilient people ask: "What is it that I can do differently?" and look for a different mindset when they are stressed by a problem. Examine and rewrite your "script" about the situation.

Reflect on the "charismatic adults" in your life--the people from whom you gather strength.  Thank a mentor, or just someone who lit your fire about something.  Who are you a charismatic adult for?  Seek to have a positive influence on others.  Both giving and taking roles are necessary to maintain a sense of connection to others and to feel strong.

Well, the list is going to get too long, so I'll have to write a part two for next week.  Click on the link above to see a list of Brooks' books and other media on his website.